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Sung to the tune of "Hey, It's Cold In Here..."

December 08, 2006

This morning when I woke up it was a warm and toasty 7 degrees outside. My poor old house with crappy insulation has no way of keeping up with this kinda cold. It stays chilly all the time so I have two electric heaters and my big fat furnace going like crazy. I think the bill next month will be the electric bill to end all electric bills.

After getting out of the shower this morning and experiencing the instant freeze that comes from stepping out onto a cold floor in a cold room and having the chill of death slide up your spine, I run into the other room and throw some clothes on. The image of the dog chacing a wet, freezing naked man around the house is priceless I'm sure. It's so cold that the don't doesn't even want to go outside. He walks out the door and takes a leak on the front porch instead of going out onto the icy, snowy ground. I have to go out there and kick his butt off the porch to get him to move. So there is a big pile of frozen dog pee on my front proch for the mailman to slip on this afternoon.

I finally get to work where I know I will be warm and guess what! The furnice is broken in the church and it is a brisk 59 degrees in my office. I have to pull out the ole ice scraper to get the frost of the computer screen so I can see what I'm typing. I'm about to shiver off another 10 pounds.

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