This post was originally written on September 21, 2004, reposted on January 15, 2005 and once again I am reposting it today as a reminder to myself. I find that this is a battle that never ends, one I was facing two years ago, a year ago and one that I still face today. I am comforted at the reminder of such a promise we have in Christ.

Evil: an influential force dwelling in the deepest part of my being seeking the right time to overcome me and the people around me. It lurks within my own heart, quietly waiting for its chance to softly whisper it’s trickery into my ear. The darkness is wise beyond my years, it knows me. It understands what I like, what I dislike, what tempts me, what moves me, and it knows exactly how to break me. Like a disease it lies dormant within me waiting for the perfect chance to use my weaknesses against me. The things that I do for good, my frail attempts at righteousness end in something vile and wicked, all my good deeds are like filthy rags. I am wicked; a vile creature running far from what I was created to be. Though I drown in a sea of good intentions, they pave for me a path to destruction as each objective is overtaken by the evil desires of my heart, seeking only to bring me to ruin. My life is chaos, a constant battle between two forces with strength beyond any measure of a man. When will this battle be over? When, oh Lord, will you rescue me from this turmoil? My desire is to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord, and yet my body is too weak to carry out such a monumental task. There is only one who could perform such a task. There is only one who is strong enough to overcome the devastating power of darkness in my life by taking my place. It was Christ who was able to be obedient even unto death, and it was Christ who remained sinless. Christ has imparted His righteousness upon those he came to save, making such a vile and frail soul vibrant with the power of God, seeking what sin it might devour in our lives. Praise be to the God of the universe who rescues His chosen people from a fate worse than death, an eternity apart from His presence. For God’s elect, eternity is but a breadth away, complete freedom from evil is at our doorstep. For now I endure the battle that is waging a war I often lose against the parts of my body, with the great hope that I am fighting a war that is already won. I long for that day when the battle finally ends and there is no more darkness lurking within me. It’s only a matter of time.