NOTE: This blog entry has been updated on October 3, 2005
53% more likely to marry as teenagers
111% more likely to have children as teenagers
164% more likely to have an out of wedlock birth
92% higher divorce rate (32% higher for sons)
“A house is built of logs and stone,
Of tiles and posts and piers;
A home is built of loving deeds
That stand a thousand years.” - Victor Hugo
Proof being found in the results; parents have a tremendous responsibility to their children. Whether you are a single parent home or not your responsibility to your child is extremely high. More often than not we are finding that single parent homes and single sex homes have a greater difficulty in providing what is needed for raising the children in our nation and unfortunatly the number of single parent or single sex homes is on the rise. This is not to say that single parent homes can’t raise and nuture a child, but it is to say that it becomes more difficult, and where things are more difficult there are more failures.
It has been an age old thought that a child needs to grow up being nurtured under both a loving father and mother. I tend to agree with this but we should put an emphasis on LOVING! Children growing up with a mother and father isn’t the cure all either. Families experience divorce, some girls get pregnant outside of marraige and they are left alone, and some families are even forced to deal with the death of a loved one. In these situations it is not impossible to raise a child, but unfortunatly it is more difficult. However, divorce and self inflicted single parent homes (teen pregnancy or pregnancy outside of marriage) are the number one culprits of the statistics above. Divorce is tramatizing to families and the stress of it falls on the children more than anyone else. Mothers and Fathers can get over it, many times children can’t. Other families start with an immature child having a baby and then being forced to raise the child alone when they are just a child themselves. There are so many problems with this and the difficulty of raising a child under these circumstances is ten fold.
Families dealing with divorce, painful break-ups, abuse, drugs, alcohol, and many other things are on the rise and children growing up in these environments are living in an age where the family has broken down. We no longer live in the “leave it to beaver” world, and in fact that type of family is a distant dream. The more the family continues to break down, the more it is statistically proven that children grow up to create their own broken families, ultimately producing more children who have an even greater chance of living in a broken family when they are adults.
The sad thing is parents raise their children in the name of freedom, relativity, personal choice, and free will which is a blatant disregard for the very nature of human relationships, causing a mass chaotic world that our children must grow up in. Parents or parent, “you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself” and your children too! The family is in trouble and we need to be searching for a cure. Has it always been this way? Is it getting worse? What is the result? Will the next generation be worse than we are? Who will suffer for our misguided quests? Why do we place such little value on relationships and families? Why do we use and abuse one another? Where has the family gone?
I call for a Constitutional amendment banning divorce!
We (as Christians) have to get active about helping and protecting the family.
Lets do it.
I consider myself being pretty much a fatherless daughter. I have been through two divorces with parents and find that it is very difficult for a child or adult to deal with in many ways. We need a way to reach out and help teens understand that marriage isn’t easy and it takes both people working as one. I don’t fall under any of the statistics posted, but I am one of the lucky ones.
Red
hey, found your blog randomly.
anyways, i consider myself a fatherless daughter too, not that i i’ve been through any divorces or anything, but my father is just never around. you see, he’s on the other side of the planet working… and yeah.
well its actually not that bad for me. why? cause im so glad that im a christian =) i read this somewhere and it said that the kids that has weak familiies will probably put more time and effort in their own family because they dont want the same thing to happen..so i guess it just depends on the kid itself.
First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your lack of perspective in regard to not only fatherless daughters but fatherless children in general. Second, on your use, or lack there of, of grace and love. Third, have you ever done any research whatsoever of the effects of fathers not being in the home. I’m not talking about numbers and statistics. I’m talking about real life situations. Have you ever sat down and talked to someone and really had a heartfelt, get-to-each-other session with someone from a fatherless home? Actually invested something into that relationship besides your own opinions and bitterness? It doesn’t sound like it to me.
My best friend is from a fatherless home. His father left when he was 3 years old. While he has his days (as we all do because we’re human) he sits next to me today in our dorm room studying ministry and planning on being a youth minister. He has sold out to God and while he has been through tough times, God has shown him grace and imparted love to him in a way that obviously you have not been blest with.
Sorry for the harshness of the post, but I feel very strongly about people who make rash over-generalizations about topics that they have no place commenting on. Tolerance can only go so far, but love covers a multitude of sins.
You are not sorry for the harshness or you wouldn’t have used it and after leaving a comment like that you have no place talking about grace and love. Regardless of how you feel, you make rash-assumptions and frankly, I don’t know where you are coming from with this. You congratulate me on my lack of perspective and spatter some mindless idea about how I have no relationships with fatherless children, unfortunately for you those assumptions are absurd. I am a youth minister; I have relationships and conversations with fatherless teenagers and children on a weekly basis. Many have a relationship with Christ and are devoted to Him, many others are in a constant state of rebellion. I have a nephew who is also a fatherless child and I know the struggles that he goes through. I come from a divorced home myself. My dad has been married three times and my mom has been married three times, and pretty much everyone else in my entire family has been divorced at least once except for my grandparents. I am pretty sure I have enough experience in this area to qualify talking about it. You are quick to pass judgment and make faulty accusations about things and people you have no knowledge of.
I am really lost on your idea of grace and love… This is a post about the growing effects of broken family relationships. Everyone knows that not all broken families go through the same problems and everyone knows that not all daughters without a father will go through the things listed here. That is obvious and didn’t need to be stated. But, just because some don’t deal with these issues, the truth is there is an even larger number who have major problems. It’s not their fault, it is the parents. This post is about the responsibility of parents and the effect they have on their children. Certainly these parents need to be shown grace and love, but the future of the family depends on the future parents, thus this subject should very well be discussed. I honestly don’t think you are looking for discussion. Seems as though you were just looking for someone to tear down… shameful.
your right, and those kids that have their fathers walk out on them and leave their mother alone should simply be taken away and placed in a good religous,conservative family. RIGHT?
Well, I never thought about it, but now that you mention it that is a good idea. Although Conservative, religous is too broad. Christian family, thats what they need. Good idea Greg.
You don’t seem to recognize the mothers that are left holding the bag for those fathers. I lost my husband and my kids their father to my now ex’s buddies… He wanted to party, party, party. So now you throw out all these statistics without solutions. My children have no father, but my ex’s buddies have a partying friend. Go figure!
I’m from a fatherless family. My father left in a way when I was 8, then my parents got divorced when I was 9, and things were fine with visitation but when I was 13 he moved to another state. Where I haven’t had contact with him for 2yrs +.
I came across this website while doing research for my sophomore english research paper of the year. I have quite a bit of knowledge of this topic since I have the experience and this is about my 25th website I have come across. The effects that I have read seem to be true about most fatherless teens. I’m not one of those teens because I went to catholic school and learned about a lot of those type of effects and know better not to drop out of school as well as not do drugs and all. A lot of my friends who of fatherless families have at least one of the effects I have read today, and that’s very sad.
icame from a broken family. I’m a fatherless daughter. And as an experience, it’s really hard living without my dad… Therewere tyms i want to share something to him but o know it won’t be easy. And iknow that some of you too feel what am i saying. And this questions always comes to my mind… WHY IT SHOULD HAPPEN TO CHILD LIKE ME… IAIN’T DO NOTHING WRONG AND ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY WITH MY FAMILY…. We just hope thatsomeday our parents may think how did they really affect us… parents separation might bring children to wrong directions. because it can affect us in many terms…and in different ways. physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially..
I never met my father, and how DARE you put me and other girls just like me into those numbers. We are human and make up our own minds about how we are going to carry on our lives. You people make me sick. You are just trying to make sure women are held down to thier husbands even if they want to leave for the sake of the children (based on these FAKE statistics)!! The “pure innocent” children you raise have the same capability to do the same things. Also, my mother did everything she could for me, how dare you say that what she did wasn’t good enough to raise me right, she didn’t need some man to take care of along with me!! You people make me sick.
Just because someone is more likely to do something that another person doesn’t mean that they will. Person A may be 53% more likely to experience teen pregnancy than person B, but that doesn’t mean Person A will experience it and it doesn’t mean that person B won’t.
The truth of the matter is that each situation is a little different. Some families are dealing with divorce, some the father is never there, some families deal with drunkards and abusive situations. The thing is it all fits under the same problem. These stats deal with single parent homes that have occurred for whatever reason, and it doesn’t make it your fault. It does however show us what we are more likely to do and what we can guard against.
Quite frankly, I am sick of people constantly trying to make those of us who grew up without fathers look like we are inferior! Are you saying it is better to have a bad father than no father at all? There are plenty of us who don’t go out and do all the negative things you discuss here. Single mothers need moral support and encouragement, not judgemental attitudes like this one…and their kids don’t need to be picked on, either!
Well if you would have read the comment immediatly above this one, all those questions you just asked were actually answered. This post is the most misunderstood and misrepresented posts every written. I think half the people simply read the title and statistics (which are real by the way people) and then scroll down to throw a fit. What is so offensive about stating the fate of a percentage of people and why has no one offered solutions to the problem and instead wish to ignore it as if it doesn’t exist. Comments that say, “you shouldn’t talk about people like that” are really saying “lets all ignore the problems that we don’t want to deal with”. Why pretent like a percentage of children are not really more likely to do these things when the truth is they are?
I am an 18 year old girl who was adopted at age 2 by a single woman. I have never had a father or any type of male role model. I happen to be the POSTER RESEARCH individual for this kind of topic. I am not pregnant, or ever have been, have never drunk alcohol, or taken drugs. However, I am experiancing “fatherless woman syndrome”. I was depressed during middleschool and highschool. I have turned to lesbian relationships eventhough I really don’t have any sexual desire for women. I have been very confused and frightened of men, especially those with deep voices and a very masculine apperance; most of my male friends are feminine or homosexual. I have a very strong desire to have children at a very young age, but fear of men has kept me from having a sexual relationship with a male. If I had grown up in a less protected enviroment perhaps I would have fallen into one of these statistics. I do not believe that the women discounting these statistics have had the same type of upbringing that I have. I’m speaking of one WITHOUT ANY MALE ROLE MODELS, PERIOD. If they had grown up in this environment as well, they would probably have many of the “fatherless woman syndrom” synptoms that I have. Only recently, after entering college, have I began to understand that much of my confusion about life has steamed from never having contact with men. It is very important that if a girl does not have a father that she at least has a male that she can confide in and use as a father figure. My mother and grandmother raised me and did that best that they could, but the fact remains that males are an important influence on a girl’s development. Please understand that no one is trying to say anything negative about a mother’s ability to raise her daughter without a husband. Many of these cases are out of the individual’s power. However, I now have to work very hard with myself to make sure that I can have a nuturing and loving relationship with men so that one day I can have a happy marriage and be comfortable with myself. These statistics are important,true, and should be taken into account.
i am in a christian based family. My father has left me and my mom several times. The last time before he left he said he would be gone for good. I was glad when he left, because he just always made me uncomfortable. I am mainly afraid of him if i do something wrong. Now that he is gone i am doing much better. But, now he wants to come back in my mom and my life and i do not want him to. My mom and i have tried many times to help him before all this happened but he was not willing to listen. So now i think he just wants back because he wants a way out of everything. Now my mom is mainly being hurt by all this, and i just wish many times that he just would have listened and everything would have been fine. But now he is getting help for himself now that he is gone. I also know that as a christian, my mom and i are in the wrong by not letting him back. I have always been taught to do what my heart says so that is what i am doing, and i do not care what others have to say about it.
I am a single mom, me and my mother takes care of my son. My fear is that my son doesn’t have a father figure…what if he turns gay? (no offense to those who are gay) Or what if he grows up and become bitter with his father? Do you know of any resources regarding raising a child so he will be able to accept the fact that his father left us, without affecting his personality? Thanks
I developed a program for women of all ages who have or experince the pain or frustration from being fatherless. I have been through this same thing so I know what I am talking about, we are in the process of putting together a class for men of all ages as well. We have to work this part of our life out so that we can respond to life rather than react to it.
I read some information about fatherless daughters. I agree with some of it. I feel a void from not ever knowing my father. I feel unloved by people most of the time. It’s hard for me to trust anyone. I have a hard time having relationships with men because I don’t want to end up with a fatherless daughter. This results in me rarely entering relationships at my own expense.
People don’t understand why I am so guarded. I also have a crazy mom, and I dislike her because she never apologized for not telling my dad about me till I was two years old. She dumped him, when she should have stayed with him. To me, honestly, I think she’s promiscuous, and severely emotionally disturbed. She only thought about herself when she had sex, and didn’t realize it takes a man and woman to raise a child. She has no shame for her sins!
In my personal experience, I have never met anyone else in my circumstance. While at school, I never met anyone who was fatherless. I think women should be more responsible about their interactions with the men they choose. If the guy doesn’t want to be involved, sue his ass and get him into court. Do whatever it takes to get him involved.
Furthermore, I do disagree about fatherless daughters doing poorly in academic settings. I have consistently had a GPA that has been higher than 3.6/4.0 during my entire life. I received academic and merit scholarships to Interlochen Arts Academy, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and Northwestern University (ranked 12 nationwide). Because of my high intelligence level and hard work, I earned scholarships to school, and I earned another for Northwestern. I will be attending in the fall and I will be earning a double masters degree.
I believe having no father has made me feel insecure about masculine parts of my identity. I am female, but I definitely have masculinity issues. When I was a little girl, I felt I was a boy. I would say this till I was ten. I knew I was a girl, but felt like a boy. I would play on all boys soccer teams till I was 13. When I was 10, I wanted to be a bodybuilder, and Hulk Hogan was a role model. I played sports and overachieved to a very high level. I never stopped until I was weight training, and squatted way too much weight, 175 lbs as a 15 year old girl. I got a bulging disc, and stopped athletics completely. My depression started from this. My ego is caught up in my masculinity, and because I had no father or any male role models, I had to develop this in myself. The only way I could do this was through sports.
I feel like I can never be big enough or have enough muscle. I was considering taking steroids. I feel like I’m not man enough if you can understand this. And no, I’m not interested in women. I only date hypermasculine men who have insanely huge muscles. Still, I feel empty, and I always am looking for this perfect man that has perfect muscles, but I never find him. I can never make myself perfectly muscular either. I’m always eating protein, and trying to stay big. It’s difficult.
Not having a male role model has kept me from developing fully emotionally and mentally. And to people who judge others for being mad about not having a dad, they have no right. People are allowed to feel pain, and be angry, and hate for this. It’s only human. You can pray to God, and everything, but you don’t have to forget what the absence of these people does. You can forgive if you feel like it, but it’s no one else’s business whether you do or don’t. You feel what you feel and deal how you deal.
I guess I don’t understand how people can “disagree” with statistics because of their own personal setting. Like I’ve said before, (Just because someone is more likely to do something that another person doesn’t mean that they will. Person A may be 53% more likely to fail academically than person B, but that doesn’t mean Person A will experience it and it doesn’t mean that person B won’t.)
Statistics are just that, statistics.
Michele, I understand what you are saying. Not every stactics is for everyone one. If that where true they would show 100% It’s % that counts. The fact remains true though being a Fatherless Daughter you can MORE likely fall into one of the enemies traps. It sounds like you are fighting your way out .. Remember God is truly your Father. & only HE can give you that uncondtinal love you want, need, and deserve in your life.
My father disappeared from my life when I was seven. He never supported us in any way. i never felt loved by him. But i believe that my mother brought us up properly. and i also beleived that i haev learnt a lot through our struggling life experiences. this made me an independent women. but ever since i was 16, i have always had a boyfriend. all long term relationships and i have never really been insecure abt these relationships but these people that i let into my lives have hurt me, cheated me. and i just dont know what to do now and ive been told that whats happening now maybe a result of my fathers absence and my need to always have someone there..
Shai, so you stay so you wont be alone??? No matter how you are treated?
i hate these statistics. my father died of cancer when i was ten. These numbers make me feel like i am doomed to a life of poverty, drugs and STDs. I vote a constitutional amendment banning lame ass statistics that make children think that they have no personal say for how their life will be lead and lead us to think that we are simply products of our environments.
I’m a young father of a lovely little girl 2months old. The mother of my daughter and I are no longer together, her choice not mine. Which now she is trying to keep me from her (legally and physically). I have made more then my fare share of mistakes in my life, but I’m trying to get where I need to be. Which make me think of two songs “I’m not who I was-Brandon Heath” and “what if I stumble-dc talk”. Anyway just wanted to say, hope that these stat. never happen to my daughter. Advice and prays welcome.
By recognizing the legacy of growing up without a father (mine died when I was 2 and my Mom never remarried or partnered with another man), fatherless daughters (or sons) are not condemned to be a statistic. My own epiphany came after reading the book “Fatherloss” by Elyce Wakerman. We are only victims of our childhood wounds if we do not recognize them and walk into the fire to heal them.
Unfortunately we are all walking statistics. However statistics don’t make people, people make statistics. We are all condemned to be just another statistic, the only question is which percentage do we fall into. We don’t have to be condemned to always be a negative statistic… but we certainly can’t escape them.
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