Avoiding Evil

This is the conclusion of:
Parenting Teenagers Part I
Parenting Teenagers Part II.
Parenting Teenagers Part III
Parenting Teenagers Part IV
Parenting Teenagers Part V

Critique of the Literature.
It is important to first understand that the goal of these authors is essentially the same. In just about every article that I read on the subject of parenting teenagers, the ultimate goal was to give the parents ideas on how to become better parents for the sake of their teenagers. The technique’s of each piece of literature are defiantly different and are based on the cultural, spiritual, and personal convictions of the authors. What I see as an offensive and wrong way of parenting as a Christian may be a right and good way in the mind of a non-believer, which is evident as you cruise the plethora of information on the subject.

There were several common ideas on parenting that were consistent throughout each of the articles and that I also agree with. I do believe that parents need to listen to their teenagers. When the teens have something to say then their parents should be willing to drop everything else and give their kid an ear. It helps build trust and shows them that you care about them enough to give up what you were doing for them. I also agree that clear and consistent boundaries need to be set. Teenagers shouldn’t be punished for things that they didn’t know were wrong because the parent didn’t define it enough. Parents need to give their kids clear boundaries that do not contradict themselves or contradict the action and words of the parents. Parents should lead by example is another commonly agreed upon statement that I agree with as well. If a parent does not want their child to use foul language then the parent should not use foul language. Some articles suggested that teenagers do not learn from their parents behaviors, but I do not agree, I believe they learn a lot about right and wrong from their own parent’s actions, words, and beliefs. One of the major issues with teenagers is that they are in a transition stage and they are beginning to deal with independence. It is important for a parent to give their child independence and respect their space within reason and boundaries. I agree with Dr. Chan that teenagers will go through a few stages and parents need to be ready to adjust the way they deal with their teens in each stage. An important aspect that I think Dr. Dobson pointed out is that teenagers must be held accountable. When a boundary is set and a rule is made, if that rule is broke then the agreed consequence must be enforced, otherwise you build the idea that you are not really going to do what you say.

Though I agree with a few things Jean Walbridge had to say I disagree with most of her approaches and moral convictions. Jean holds the idea that a teenager’s privacy and independence is high above all other things. She thinks that parents should never violate the privacy of a teen and I disagree. We already live in a humanistic world that is teaching our children that they can do what they want, be what they want, and anything they choose is right for them bringing them into the state of mind that “it’s their life and it’s none of their parents business.” I feel that Jean’s ideas allow for the parent to have no authority over the teenager, but instead the teen is simply offered choices and insignificant consequences if they choose poorly. I do believe that parents can allow teenagers to make free decisions and choices inside the boundaries of their authority. I agree that the teenagers are transitioning into a state of independence, but the key word is transition. They are not all the way there yet and I believe that the answer is not “let the teen do what they want”, but instead slowly give them more freedoms that you feel they can handle as they get older.

I disagree with Jean’s position on teenage sexual activity. Her idea is that it is a normal thing, teens are going to do it, so parents should not try to stop it, instead they should provide their children with resources for safe sex. I think that parents need to help their children to understand that they don’t need safe sex, they need no sex at all. That is harder and harder to do in our present social era as they are exposed to it daily, but the answer once again is not in just letting them do it and minding our own business as Jean suggests.

Jean believes that parents need to allow their children to find their own way, and the only time they need to intervene is when it may be harmful to their health. I would disagree in that I think parents need to show their children the right way and let them find their own independence inside the context of knowing right from wrong. Jean’s idea allows for the teenager to experiment with everything that is both good and bad and choose which one they want to do, but I think teenagers should already know what is bad without having to try it because of the advice and truth coming from their parents. If my teenager wants to take drugs he will do so knowing full well that it is wrong and harmful and that it will produce bad consequences. If Jean’s teenager wants to take drugs it is ok for him to do so and experiment with it as long as he doesn’t bring it into the house. There is great danger in giving teenagers too much freedom. In a sense I disagree with Chan on the issue of allowing the teenagers to “express themselves” with orange hair and body piercing. I think that we can easily confuse rebellion with self-expression. Once again I do believe that the teenagers should have the freedom to express themselves, but inside the boundaries set by their parents. Orange hair and piercing may be harmless, and then again they may be a rebellion and it depends on the motives of the individual.

One thing that I didn’t think about before starting this study is the moral differences between a Christian raising a teenager and a non-Christian. As a Christian parent I would be under the conviction that it is not right for my child to have sex, drink, do drugs, and other things that I feel are morally wrong. But with those who are not Christians some of these things are acceptable to them so that it is alright for their teen to have sex, which does provide for a little bit of conflict when it comes to understanding how to parent teenagers. Our society would like for us to believe that it maybe alright for one teen to have sex and then it maybe wrong for a different teen to have sex and it simply depends upon the individual, but I disagree in that I believe that God has give us absolutes when it comes to right and wrong. I believe that these absolutes apply to all aspects of life including raising teenagers and leading our families.

Application
I believe that it is highly important that the adults in our churches know that there is a right and wrong way to raise their children. It is easy for Christian’s to follow the social norms and unintentionally slip down the wrong path when it comes to parenting an adolescent. It is also easy for parents to think they are doing the right thing by overbearingly restricting their child and causing unneeded conflict and pain. In order to apply some of the things that I have learned in this research project I think it would be good to offer a class to the parents of teenagers that are coming up into the youth group. As a youth minister I believe that my job is not simply to instruct and lead the teenagers in spiritual growth, but their parents as well. The class would involve learning many of the techniques and ideas presented by Clark, Chen, and Dobson. It would also involve bible studies that help parents in understanding their role as the spiritual leaders of their children and families. I would offer the class to those parents whose kids are getting ready to enter into the adolescent stage so that they have a heads up and then I would continue to offer bible studies thorough the years of their child being in high school in order to remind them and help them as their child gets older.

Another way to apply these teachings would be to set the example in my own family (when I have one). As people come to me and ask for help with their teenagers I could help them to see the things that I have done and do as a parent. The spiritual leaders of the Church should always lead by example in their words, actions, and family life.

As the church teaches it’s members how to be parents of children of all ages and how to raise their children up in the way they should go and as the church continues to lead each individual adult and teenager into spiritual maturity I think that family life will grow stronger. It is to the glory of God that we would do any of this so that in the unity of a strong spiritual family we give praise to our God as we represent holiness in our lives and obedience to His word.

Pressed