Avoiding Evil

Just a small word of advice for all of you people out there who were planning on getting your car stolen, DON’T! It has been four weeks now since my car was stolen from the Muny parking lot in St. Louis while I was watching a show and I am still trying to jump through the many hoops of the insurance company just to get authorization to start the repair work on it.

CRAIG’S COMPREHENSIVE TOP 10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT GET YOUR CAR STOLEN

1. The first reason you should never get your car stolen is because of the horrible feeling you have when you walk out to where you know you parked your car and you realize that it isn’t there. Thinking about all of the personal stuff that you have left in it and thinking about the dirty thief who is out violating your brand new vehicle by taking a little joy ride just makes you sick. If you didn’t have anyone else there with you who drove you would be up a creek without a paddle… or a boat.

2. The second reason you should never get your car stolen is the current state of our police departments. A simple fact is that the police could care less about your car or the thief who stole it. It is such a common crime in the cities that the police officers just pass it off as ‘nothing new under the sun’ and they really do nothing about it. Then they like to charge you $5.00 and make you wait 15 days in order for you to even get a police report. Unfortunately the insurance company needs the police report to file the claim!

3. A third reason is the anxiety it places upon your one nervous friend. Everyone in the world has a friend who is just a nervous wreck to begin with, and mine just happens to be Michael who was there with us when this all happened. I truely believe that he was more worked up than I was, and that was after he walked a good 3 miles around the parking lot looking for the car. All of us were kind of in a dazed state of shock but I think Michael experienced the weight of all the emotion that goes along with this sort of thing… but I do appreciate it Michael anyway, even though it probably gave you 3 new ulcers.

4. A fourth reason is the number of times that you have to re-tell the whole story. You don’t realize how many people you actually know and interact with daily until you have to tell them all why you are driving an old, purple, minivan. I have repeated the story so many times that if I have to repeat it again I may go ahead and spew.

5. A fifth reason is the amount of time that you have to spend on the phone. I was not prepared for the flood of phone calls to and from the police, the insurance company, the body shop, 3 different adjusters, and the plurality of other people that I have had to talk to. I spent hours talking on the phone with people trying to get things worked out.

6. A sixth reason is the paperwork and recorded verbal statements that the insurance companies make you participate in. I have had to fill out forms, and then they lost some and I had to fill them out again. I have had to give a recorded statment on what happened, names of everyone who was with me, kind of car they drive, what was in the car, etc. I have had to recount the story to three adjusters and my insurance agent, plus I had to write it all out as well.

7. A seventh reason to never get your car stolen is the fact that everything that is inside the vehicle is not covered by your automobile insurance. The only thing that covers your personal possessions that are located inside the car is your homeowners insurance. If you do not have a home and you have no renters insurance then you have officially just lost everything in your car with no compensation for it. You could have had the crown jewels in your back seat and if you didn’t have homeowners or renters insurance then too bad for you! Although that would explain why your car was stolen in the first place…

8. An eighth reason is insurance adjustor number 1. This is the insurance adjustor who is lazy and wants you to do all of their work. He won’t find out the police report number for you so that you have to contact the police department and police officers to try and find a report number for yourself. He won’t process anything or get your car fixed without the number, but he sure doesn’t want to work to get it. This is also the same adjustor who wants to get a recorded statement from you but the only time he can do it is 6:30 a.m. in the morning. It is the only time he claims he is in the office and so it is the only time he can get a recorded statement from you.

9. The ninth reason is insurance adjustor number 2. This is the man who has the police report numbers and is ready to get things rolling and then screws up two checks that were supposed to go to the police station but didn’t make it. He wastes 15 days and then finally gets the thing ordered only to have to wait another week to get the police reports. Of course he can’t process the claim without the police report so this only draws out the whole process.

10. The tenth reason is insurance adjustor number 3. This is an adjustor who’s only job is to investigate the claim. He has to get information from you, from all your friends, and from all your financial records as well. The only problem is that the insurance company has lost one of the papers that you have already filled out. Of course he needs that paper and cannot process the claim without it so you have to fill it out once more and mail it to them. Just so happens that when you do get the paper and you can fax it back to him he decides to take a four day vacation.

Now the one thing that you should know out of all of this is that you are not treated like the victim. Instead you will be treated like a criminal. The insurance company does not want to shell out the cash for your claim so they will do all the investigating they can and try to build a case against you so that they don’t have to pay it. That is why they have to know everything, have all of this notarized paperwork that you have filled out, and that is why they want all your financial records. To them, you are committing insurance fraud and they want to make you as miserable as possible in hopes to not have to pay a dime. Yes that is right folks! Right now you are paying high premiums every month to an insurance company who does not want to pay for anything when something happens to your vehicle. They would much rather accept all of your money and never have to pay anything out and so you are a piece of crud criminal to them who is not worth their time and effort and so you wait for over four weeks without a vehicle while they play their little games. Or maybe it is the fact that our world is filled with pathetic scum who want free money and so they do what they can to cheat the insurance companies, deplete any trust whatsoever, and force us to pay higher insurance bills because of it. If you are one of those bloody criminals out there who likes to do this type of stuff, and you would rather cheat, steal, and plunder, than get off your own duff and work for a living then I would like to take this opportunity while I am a bit on the angry side to say, SCREW YOU! Oh, I am sorry that wasn’t very Christian like. May God curse you and may your days on earth be miserable.

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Speaking of being miserable, did you know that there is a form of brautwurst out there in the world that is in patty form and looks just like a hamburger? In fact it can have BBQ sauce plopped all over it and you will not even know that it is a brautwurst… until you take your first big bite. I was heating up the leftover hamburgers and as I was talking to my mother and chompin’ down on one my mom informed me that it was a braut and not a hamburger… to which I said, WHHHHAAAATTTTTTT BLAHHHH pttttttt blah coooggggguuuu………… to which my mom said, oh their good, to which I replied, uuhhhhhhh bbbllaahhhh uuuckkkkkk iicckkkkkk ptttttt… The only thing worse than intentionaly eating a braut is not knowing that you are actually eating a braut.

Pressed