I have just completed my good deed for the day. I went over to my friends house and installed a ceiling fan for them, since the electric company wouldn’t do it. I don’t really mind because I have lots of experience installing ceiling fans and electric outlets and so on, but it doesn’t matter how many times you do it, you can always count on things going wrong everytime!
The following is a list of things that will happen to you if you attempt to install a ceilling fan:
1. When you begin to remove the old light fixture and mounting bracket the ceiling will cave in on you. You can count on peices of ceiling being in your hair, your eyes, your nose, your mouth, and just about any other part of your body exposed to the outside world. Having a chunk of dry wall fall down into your mouth is not the best of experiences…
2. You will always have the wrong tool. No matter how many times you climb down off of the ladder, pickup a tool, and drag it back up the ladder it will still end up being the wrong one. After you have successfully climbed up and down the latter fourteen times you will have finally gotten one screw in.
3. You will always drop the screws. That is “screws” plural because by the end of the day you will have dropped every screw successfully three times a peice. So you go up the ladder, lift the ceiling fan moter up with one hand, and suddenly tink, tink, tink, there goes the screw across the floor. So it’s back down the ladder, getting on hands and knees searching for the lost screw, until finally you find it under the dresser. You pick up the screw, go back up the ladder, begin the process all over again and then suddenly, tink, tink, tink. Down the latter pick up the screw, up the latter drop the screw, until you are so tired of the stupid screw that you say screw it, and chuck the screw accross the room, down the stairs and into the air conditioning vent.
4. Screws are not the only thing that you will drop from the ladder. At any given moment you could possible drop the screwdriver, the heads to the screwdriver, the washers, a fan blade, the fan moter (although I would not suggest that one), the wire caps, the tape, and so on.
5. Finally you can count on taking everything that you put together apart again about three times. It doesn’t matter how many times you get the fan together you will always remember something that you were supposed to do, like connecting the groundwire, so that you have to take everything back apart again.
I hope this has given you an idea of what to prepare for the next time you want to install a ceiling fan.
Pressed
To quote one of your favorite movies… In totum, how many times did you go up and down the ladder? With the information given, I calculate around 839.009 times. I could be a little off.
One last question, was it a baby fan?
That is great that you helped people out. Serving is a great way to minister to people
If You had a girl help you could have saved steps and reduced the time up & down. Then you could have installed it in 5 hours & 59 minutes.
I did help him Dan, and he still took 6 hours! (Your welcome, Craig, for picking up every poopy screw on my floor). No but really Craig. Thank you so much. I can actually sleep without melting to death. However, I do live in a constant fear that it will fall and kill me in my sleep. At least I am already at the Funeral Home.